Dude, Where's My Sheep?

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Announcer: This is a Getty podcast.

[Theme music begins]

Host: Signed, sealed, delivered—today a special gem shares some important news!

Welcome to If Objects Could Talk, a podcast where art and artifacts get to leave the museum vault and tell their side of the story. Thanks for joining us as we bring objects into the light!

[Theme music ends]

How would your best friend describe you? Are you responsible? A party animal? Maybe a little bit of both? Well today we meet a satyr who is half man, [Satyr giggles] half goat, [goat bleats] and all storyteller.

[Mystical music begins]

Satyrs are mythical woodland creatures known for their love of parties—and for playing the occasional trick on people. Our guest might love a good time, but he can be serious when he needs to be, because he had an important job to do: sealing letters and official documents in wax. [heavy stamp thuds]

Before tape or that weird envelope glue you have to lick, wax and seals kept private papers private.

OK, enough background, let's get this podcast party started!

[Loud thumping music]

[Door opens and shuts as music fades away]

Satyr: Whoa, dudes, most excellent to make your acquaintance. It’s a really big deal to be here. No one ever lets me talk. Apparently, I have a gnarly accent.

I’ll need to be done in like ten because it’s my turn to DJ, and I can finally play some sweet oldies. [sixties surfer-style music]

Speaking of oldies, let's talk about me!

I’m carved into an oval-shaped gemstone, over two thousand years old. [child’s voice says “wow”]

I’m made of cornelian which is a type of red-orange gem [musical tones] or maybe orange-red? [musical tones play in reverse]

Anyway, my gem is about the size of a small button on a fancy shirt. One side of the gemstone is me! I’m a Satyr, which is absolutely so sick. [electric guitar solo]

I’ve got the head and torso of a dude, but the legs of a goat [goat bleats] and the ears, tail, and horns of a goat, too! [different goat bleats] Ha-ha nice! Gimmie five man. [guitar solo, then high five]

I think the gem engraver got my good side. I’m doing this cool satyr dance called sikinnis.

[Upbeat music begins]

I’m just kinda prancing around like a goat. [goat bleats and Satyr laughs]

Satyrs are nature spirits known for having a good time, so it absolutely checks out that I’d be busting a move. The scene of me dancing is framed by a dotted border which is a nice touch.

But wait! There’s more! [voices say “oooh”]

On my opposite side, the gemstone is shaped like a scarab beetle. Say “what's up?”, beetle buddy!

Scarab: [beetle buzzing] How do you do?

Satyr: Bro! I love that guy!

Scarabs represent protection, which I need, because sometimes I like to have a little too much fun playing tricks, and my little beetle buddy is always coming in clutch with the assist before I land in hot water...or should I say hot wax?! [snare drum hit]

Right, dude?

Scarab: Indubitably.

Satyr: Aw, was that a sneeze? Bless you, beetle buddy!

[Scarab sighs]

Me and the scarab weren't just created to look good—which would be totally fair—we also had a job.

[Mysterious music begins]

We had to seal important messages so that A: recipients knew the messages were from a specific person and 2: the message was secure like a vault! [bank vault slams and locks]

If the seal was broken, you’d know someone had peeked inside! Totally bogus.

Because the scarab was the protection side, he was the one worn facing out on a ring. When a message or document needed to be sealed, the gem flipped, and the engraved side—me—was stamped in the hot wax. [heavy stamp sound]

I didn’t like that part, dude. Not cool, very hot actually! Yep, that’s probably why I’m leaping and twirling, because I’m doing my “too hot” dance! [fire station alarm]

Yeah, I’ve been in Cali for awhile, but I'm originally from Etruria, a pre-Roman civilization from around the areas where Tuscany is today. Geographically, it’s the top of the Italian boot and dooooooown the middle. [electric guitar slide]

[laughs] The Etruscans were so awesome. Lots things you love about the Romans? They got it from the Etruscans. Gladiator games! [swords hit] Togas! Divination using animal organs! [wet splat] The Etruscans did it first.

[Triumphant horns]

Yeah, even that! The military celebration after a triumph in battle is soooooo Etruscan, dude.

We may have been first in those things, but everybody borrows from everybody, especially if you’re on a trade route like many parts of Etruria were.

[Egyptian music begins]

My little beetle buddy? Totally Egyptian, dude. Yep, brought to Etruria by way of the Greeks and Phoenicians.

Hey, I’ve got a great idea! [bell dings]

Let’s talk about how we were made! Oh, it’s so sick, bro. Check this out:

[Energetic music begins]

First a gem was selected and cut into a small shape. [stone being cut]

The Etruscans liked cornelian because it’s gorgeous [sparkle sound] and it didn’t stick to the hot wax when sealing a document. [sticky sound, then voice sounding disgusted]

They used teeny tiny drills—like hand-powered ones, not electric or battery powered like you might have at home—and dipped them into a mixture of olive oil and powder made from even harder gems.

[Mystical music begins]

This let the craftsmen carve the stone in the finest detail. The carving on the underside of the gemstone, which would rest against the body, was called an intaglio, or sunken image. These scenes were usually mythological heroes or creatures like me! [electric guitar riff]

Scarab gemstones could be unique to the wearer and would highlight a family’s name or specific characteristics of the owner. My guy was a party animal, [party music plays] so that tracks!

I'm curious, if you wrote a message to someone, and you didn’t use your name on the paper, how would they, like, know the message was from you? What would your seal be? Maybe a mermaid because you love to swim? [diving splash] Or a cookie because you could eat those for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? [voice says “yummy”]

Whoa, let's just take a second to think about all the possibilities. [harp chords]

Now, can you draw your new seal? Then you can write a letter to a friend or family member telling them about your seal and why it represents you. [pencil scribbles on paper]

Speaking of being yourself, let me tell you about Velia and her Uncle Nico.

[Twangy Italian music begins]

Now, Nico knew how to have a good time. He was the life of the party, dude, like me! [goat bleats]

Nico was the proud uncle of a lovely niece, Velia. She was the ambitious, hardworking type. Velia hoped to be a model Etruscan woman when she grew up—maybe buy some property, head up her own family, and even speak loudly at the occasional party. [party chatter] Those Etruscan women could be powerful, dude!

For Velia’s twelfth birthday, all she really wanted was for her uncle to do an honest day’s work...and a donkey. [donkey brays] They could use one on their family farm.

But she didn’t want just any donkey. She wanted a donkey that she had seen a few months ago when traveling for a wedding. The donkey lived nearly half a day’s journey away! She made her birthday request complicated on purpose, bro! She tasked Uncle Nico with getting her the donkey, and with her parents’ permission, she planned on making the trip, too.

Several days later, and armed with a bill of exchange sealed by yours truly, Velia and Uncle Nico set off to get that beast of burden in exchange for two old, fluffy sheep. [sheep bleating] Me and Beetle Buddy went with them. [beetle buzz]

Etruscans traded between cities all the time so we just followed the Etruscan road!

Velia was like, so impressed with her Uncle for being willing to make this birthday trip. [child voice says “wow”] He regaled her with tales of the cities he had traveled to, and she taught him that it was probably not a good idea to eat just any berry he found on a bush.

Half-way through, they were ready for a rest stop. So they moved off the road and snacked on the figs and olives they’d brought. Your classic ancient road trip snacks. [voice says “mmmm”]

Then Uncle Nico daydreamed a while. Velia took a little nap and dream-dreamed. [snoring] Peaceful, you know?

[Suspenseful music begins]

But, it wouldn't be a good story if there wasn't a little bit of drama right? So I decided to play a little game of hide the sheep [sheep bleats] and encouraged one to go for a little walkabout. [laughs] It was going to be so funny to see them looking for that fluffy guy! I love a harmless prank on the open road!

Velia woke up and noticed that they were down a sheep, and boy was she mad! [child’s voice says “hey!” angrily] She totally blamed her uncle who could have easily watched the clouds and the sheep! With one sheep, [sheep bleats] one uncle, [voice says “I’m sorry] and one dashing satyr-scarab duo, [electric guitar riff] Velia led the charge to find the missing sheep. [trumpets]

At the edge of the clearing where they had been resting was a deep, dark forest. With the lost sheep nowhere in sight, Velia, true Etrsucan leader that she was, figured it was time to check the forest.

Velia and Uncle Nico were deep into their search when all of a sudden we heard rustling. [leaves rustle] We all got pretty excited because we figured it was that fluffy sheep and we could grab him and laugh at my funny trick.

Not so, my dudes. It was a wild boar. [boar grunts] A big one! [music changes to dramatic music] The boar stared at us and we stared at him. The boar charged and Uncle Nico and Velia ran as fast as they could. [footsteps]

As they neared the forest’s edge, Velia grabbed Uncle Nico's hand and pointed at the steep rocks ahead past the clearing. They just had to reach higher ground! Boars are notoriously bad rock climbers.

Once they made it to the rocks, Uncle Nico climbed up first and then yanked up Velia by the arm, but the boar was still right there at the bottom waiting for them! [boar grunts] Nico thought fast and threw down his figs and a sliver of Velia's birthday honey cake he’d been saving. The boar devoured them in seconds and then left! [bushes rustling] It’s like all it wanted was a little treat! Insane! [electric guitar riff]

Velia looked at her Uncle differently from then on. He wasn’t just a cool, if somewhat irresponsible, party animal. He was the guy who stayed calm in a crisis and could think on his feet. And he was also the Uncle willing to make sure she got exactly what she wanted for her birthday. At this point, all she wanted was to go home. They could check out the donkeys in the neighborhood. [donkey brays]

Oh, you wanna know what happened to the lost sheep? Ha, dude! From the rock formation they spotted him easily, on the other side of the rock fast asleep. [cartoonish snoring] So much for my “harmless prank,” right? We never even had to go into that forest! I did feel bad, but I learned a valuable lesson: don’t play hide the sheep on a business slash birthday trip! [voice says “huh?”]

Well hey, this has been totally chill, but it’s time to play my set, dude. Maybe next time you can come sit in on a sesh. Later! [door opens and shuts, then light guitar music begins]

[Theme music begins]

Host: I hope you enjoyed learning about satyrs and Etruria! Join us next time when a horse unlocks a mystery. [horse neighs]

To see photographs of the satyr gem and learn more, visit our website at Getty dot edu slash podcasts.

This episode was written by Tocarra Elise and produced by Zoe Goldman. Isaac Robinson-Smith voiced the satyr. Theme music, mixing and sound design by Alexandra Kalinowski. Christopher Sprinkle is executive producer.

Special thanks to curators Ken Lapatin, Judith Barr, and Hana Sugioka.

Catch you next time!