Here Comes the (Ancient Roman) Bride

The year is 50 CE.

The Italian sun shines bright and hot in the southern countryside. Outside a family villa, the sounds of laughter echo as servants rush to weave together garlands of flowers and herbs. Inside, the smell of meat and pastries fills the air. Sitting by the hearth, the matron of the house adjusts a wreath of blossoms nestled on her daughter’s hair, parted into six locks.

These are the sensations you might have experienced at an upper-class wedding during the early Roman empire, held at a luxury residence such as the Villa dei Papiri, after which the Getty Villa Museum was modeled. While most Roman wedding traditions, particularly their gendered roles, could be viewed as outdated or simply uncommon today (smearing fat on a doorway would certainly be unusual for modern brides!), many of the nuptial festivities focused on the bride’s role and appearance, just as with Western weddings of the 21st century.

For young Roman girls, particularly those from elite families, marriage was the primary rite of passage to adulthood. Although it was an important ritual for many Roman women, marriage was not possible for everyone, as it was restricted to citizens who were old enough (12 for girls, 14 for boys) but not closely related, along with other stipulations. Many Romans, including slaves, lived in other forms of long-term domestic partnerships without being legally married.

Chastity, modesty, and familial love were the virtues that Romans valued the most in brides, so many of the wedding rituals reflected these. Roman girls often married in their teens. The night before her wedding, having given away her childhood dolls, a Roman girl might sleep in a tunica recta, a special white, woolen robe she wove herself to demonstrate her domestic skills. The next day, wearing the same type of garment, her hair might be parted with a spear, crowned with a wreath of flowers and herbs that she herself had gathered, and fitted with a yellow veil (flammeum). The veil was an integral part of the bride’s wedding outfit, indicating her modesty.

With the bride dressed and ready, there were no vows, but some families chose to sign a marriage contract. Not required but deemed useful, like prenup agreements today, both families could stipulate terms around items like children and finances, such as the dowry.

Next came the domum deductio (bride’s procession from her family home to that of her new husband). It was the most important part of the entire day. This ritual signaled the bride’s chastity, served as a public acknowledgment of the union, and legitimized future children. The procession could begin at the bride’s family hearth, where, according to one common ritual, she would be pulled away from her mother in a demonstration of the bride’s modesty and sadness in leaving the family home. As she departed, the bride was accompanied by an entourage: guests sang tunes with often obscene lyrics.

As she arrived at her husband’s home, the bride could smear the bedecked doorposts with fat and wool as emblems of prosperity and take care to step or be lifted over the threshold. After a wedding feast, the couple retired for the night.

As a Roman wedding was predicated on a bride’s chastity and creating a domestic sanctuary, few wedding traditions focused on the groom. For Roman boys from freeborn families, adulthood was marked by a citizenship ceremony where they donned the toga virilis (garment of an adult Roman citizen). Roman men were self-defined through their role in public life. The groom did not even need to be present for the entire wedding day—instead, he greeted the bride at her new home. Grooms could be older than their brides, as a man was considered to reach maturity at an older age.

What happened in ancient Rome when love was lost and a married couple wished to separate? Roman divorces were relatively common; the couple only had to declare their intent to divorce in front of seven witnesses. But the city’s patriarchal culture reigned in love won as well as lost: if a woman was found guilty of adultery in the courts and was divorced by her husband, she would lose half of her dowry and could not remarry while he was alive (even if she wasn’t convicted). Adultery committed by husbands, however, was not recognized nor punished by law!