POLYHYMNIA: (Very serious, pensive and meditative, intellectual, likes math) So great to have you on Team Polyhymnia. The world could definitely use more thoughtful types like us. It's not like there aren't enough problems to solve!

HADES: (Interrupting) Pssst! Turn around. Hey, down here. I'm the statue at the end of the line on the right. Come over here. Figures they'd make me small while Hercules takes up a whole room. The Romans call me Pluto, but I like my Greek name: Hades. Yeah, I'm that guy—the god of the Underworld. One of the Big Three gods of Olympus. (mutters) Only not so welcome in Olympus. Anyway… let's blow this joint. Do you like pizza? Video games? Flaming Hot Cheetos? Follow me.

Walk back outside and turn left. You know that garden they told you not to go into? That's where we're going. I'm not known for playing by the rules, and I like gardens—I gave one to my wife, Persephone.

Now walk down the ramp towards the statue's back. Okay, turn left and keep walking. Walk between the two sets of stairs and outside. I'll see you there.

SFX: NATURE SOUNDS

MUSIC: CONTEMPORARY ROCK IN THE BACKGROUND

HADES: Ahhh. Take a deep breath. Doesn't it feel fabulous to get away from all that old stuff and be outside? Go ahead. Run around like they always tell you not to. Around the circular fountain three times.

SAMANTHA: (relieved) Oh, there you are! Thank goodness I found you. I— (notices Hades) Oh, I see you have company. Come with me, demigod. We need to keep moving.

HADES: I'm just letting the kid have some fun. Anything wrong with that? After all, I'm the god of fun, fun, fun!

SAMANTHA: (respectfully) Uh, isn't that Mr. D's territory? And speaking of him, as the director of Camp Half-Blood, Dionysus would want me to take our guest here back inside and continue our tour.

HADES: Hmmph! Hey kid, you don't need to go that stupid camp. Stick with me, and I'll make sure you have everything you need. Check out that fountain against the wall. It's a replica of the one they found in Pompeii, before Hephaestus lost his cool and buried everything under ash.

Venus has it all wrong. This idea of discovering a godly parent who's been assigned to you is soooo old-fashioned. You can choose your parent! And do you know who would be your best choice? ME!

I've got a cool man cave, room service, fashion shows. You can decorate your room any way you want—in red, black, red-on-black, black-on-red. . . . And when you put on a DO NOT ENTER SIGN on your door, no one will.

SAMANTHA: (whispers) Yeah, in his UNDERGROUND room in his UNDERGROUND palace, where you see sun like NEVER.

HADES: I heard that. You always have to be negative, don't you?

SAMANTHA: Sorry, Lord Hades, but we really do have to go now.

HADES: Yeah, yeah. I was just about to take a lava bath anyway. Catch you later.

SAMANTHA: Okay, calmly walk back inside toward the inner courtyard.

This is a great teachable moment. Hades is tempting, isn't he? Making lots of promises he'll never keep. As a demigod, you have to learn to resist temptation or you'll end up somewhere you don't want to be, like on some island somewhere for about five hundred years. Or worse.

Once you re-enter the building, you'll find a stairway to your left and to your right. Go up either one. Stay focused and close to me, okay? I shouldn't have left you alone before.

When you get to the top of the stairs, go through the door on the left. Now, go straight, and take a right turn down the hallway. You'll see some marble athletes on your right.

HERCULES: Hello again! It's me, Hercules. I'm the one carrying the lion's skin. You're on the right track. Keep on going down the hallway. Now turn left, and walk into the next gallery.

SAMANTHA: Everything you see in this room could have been found in a Roman Villa two millennia ago. It's not that different from how people decorate their homes today: tchochkas and wall hangings. The only things missing are some potted plants. But one object in this room is related to you. You'll see a picture of it on your screen. Can you find it? It's kind of small—look inside that case against the far wall with four heads in it.

EPIKOUROS: Welcome young student. I'm Epikouros, a Greek philosopher. I spend a lot of time thinking about the meaning of life. So much that I founded a school of philosophy with a motto similar to “hakuna matata:” I believe our lives are meant to be spent doing the things that we love. And if we can do them while surrounded by the people we love, that's even better. I also believe in equality. When I was teaching, I invited women and slaves to join my classes at a time when neither had rights. Does social justice motivate you, or are friends key to your happiness? Press your selection on your player now.