TERPSICHORE: You've selected me, Terpsichore. If you'd rather be playing soccer than touring these galleries, stick with me.

HADES: (Interrupting) Pssst! Turn around. Hey, down here. I'm the statue at the end of the line on the right. Come over here. Figures they'd make me small while Hercules takes up a whole room… The Romans call me Pluto, but I like my Greek name: Hades. Yeah, I'm that guy—the god of the Underworld. One of the Big Three gods of Olympus. (mutters) Only not so welcome in Olympus. Anyway… let's blow this joint. Do you like pizza? Video games? Flaming Hot Cheetos? Follow me.

Walk back outside and turn left. You know that garden they told you not to go into? That's where we're going. I'm not known for playing by the rules, and I like gardens—I gave one to my wife, Persephone.

Now walk down the ramp towards the statue's back. Okay, turn left and keep walking. Walk between the two sets of stairs and outside. I'll see you there.

SFX: NATURE SOUNDS

MUSIC: CONTEMPORARY ROCK IN THE BACKGROUND

HADES: Ahhh. Take a deep breath. Doesn't it feel fabulous to get away from all that old stuff and be outside? Go ahead. Run around like they always tell you not to. Around the circular fountain three times.

SAMANTHA: (relieved) Oh, there you are! Thank goodness I found you. I— (notices Hades) Oh, I see you have company. Come with me, demigod. We need to keep moving.

HADES: I'm just letting the kid have some fun. Anything wrong with that? After all, I'm the god of fun, fun, fun!

SAMANTHA: (respectfully) Uh, isn't that Mr. D's territory? And speaking of him, as the director of Camp Half-Blood, Dionysus would want me to take our guest here back inside and continue our tour.

HADES: Hmmph! Hey kid, you don't need to go that stupid camp. Stick with me, and I'll make sure you have everything you need. Check out that fountain against the wall. It's a replica of the one they found in Pompeii, before Hephaestus lost his cool and buried everything under ash.

Venus has it all wrong. This idea of discovering a godly parent who's been assigned to you is soooo old-fashioned. You can choose your parent! And do you know who would be your best choice? ME!

I've got a cool man cave, room service, fashion shows. You can decorate your room any way you want—in red, black, red-on-black, black-on-red. . . . And when you put on a DO NOT ENTER SIGN on your door, no one will.

SAMANTHA: (whispers) Yeah, in his UNDERGROUND room in his UNDERGROUND palace, where you see sun like NEVER.

HADES: I heard that. You always have to be negative, don't you?

SAMANTHA: Sorry, Lord Hades, but we really do have to go now.

HADES: Yeah, yeah. I was just about to take a lava bath anyway. Catch you later.

SAMANTHA: Okay, calmly walk back inside toward the inner courtyard.

This is a great teachable moment. Hades is tempting, isn't he? Making lots of promises he'll never keep. As a demigod, you have to learn to resist temptation or you'll end up somewhere you don't want to be, like on some island somewhere for about five hundred years. Or worse.

Once you re-enter the building, you'll find a stairway to your left and to your right. Go up either one. Stay focused and close to me, okay? I shouldn't have left you alone before.

When you get to the top of the stairs, go through the door on the left. Now, go straight, and take a right turn down the hallway. You'll see some marble athletes on your right.

HERCULES: Hello again! It's me, Hercules. I'm the one carrying the lion's skin. You see that big guy next to me, with one leg and no arms? Walk over to him now. I think he can help you get closer to finding your godly parent.

GREEK ATHLETE: So, you're a fellow athlete. Welcome. I see you looking at my head. You're probably thinking it doesn't fit my body, but I was intentionally sculpted this way. It makes me look taller. It's kind of a drag that I'm missing my hands and arms (they got knocked off somewhere along the way). They come in handy (pardon the pun) when you're an athlete. I'd also use them to remove the oil, sweat, and dust from my body with a scraper after I finished a race.

SAMANTHA: Oh gross!

ATHLETE: In my day, athlete sweat gunk was valuable. Some people would buy it in the hope that a little of my strength would rub off on them.

So, let's continue with your parental quest, shall we? Answer another question for me - in times of war, people of athletic skill are in great demand. Would you rather be at the forefront of the battle, or back home protecting your friends? Make your selection on your player now.