Great advice Marsha.
I was trying to explain the "saving face" aspect of discipline just yesterday
to my husband.
I compared it to the Japanese code of ethics. (no offense intended anyone)
It should be a code of ethics for anyone. Provide a way out where the
perpetrator can be forgiven without feeling rotten about himself. Otherwise no
change will occur due to pride.
(We have an ADHD child and it applies, believe me) A direct approach always
ends up in confrontation whereas a "do you think you were acting that way
because you felt ...xyz?" they need a way out.