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[ Thread ][ Subject ][ Author ][ Date ]RWilk85411
Sat, 18 Oct 1997 17:19:34 -0400 (EDT)
To the person doing research on artists as victims of abuse.
I would like to speak as a former victim of abuse. I don't like to recall
those years. It is not easy to make yourself remember but you cannot really
ever forget either. That's the cruel aftermath; lack of faith in your own
ability to choose wisely. I was married the first time to a man(?) who
blacked my eyes, broke bones, and held a gun on me and told me how easy it
would be to kill me. I was married to him for three years and we have a son.
Divorce was not a part of my vocabulary. I had been brought up in a very
sheltered situation. I was not aware that there were men who beat their
wives. At first I thought that I caused the abuse. That if I could just
figure out what I did........Finally I wised up and realized that I had not
ever done anything to deserve the things that were happening to me. I
realized that my parents, family and friends would not think less of me for
not toughing it out and that it would never end. So I left him. When the
judge asked me if I were afraid for my life, the gun muzzle flashed in front
of my eyes. I had no trouble giving a convincing answer.
The second time I married a man who practiced mental cruelty. At the end of
eight years I was nearly crazy. He fortunately found someone else to torture
and dumped me for her. I guess I can be grateful for "the other woman". I
have a beautiful daughter from that marriage.
I am not stupid or slow. I did not come from a lower class family. I did not
come from an abusive situation. My IQ is 140+, my parents are quite wealthy,
and we are educated people who do not solve problems physically.
Apparently I do not have the foundation of knowledge or whatever to enable me
to make healthy choices when it comes to marriage. So now I just abstain. I
feel safer that way.
I would be interested in any information that the person doing the research
might come across that gives insight into why some people just seem to choose
mates who are abusive. I know that I am not the only one like myself.
I know this wasn't about art. But I wanted to contribute what I could.