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refelctions on life - humor


Date: Sun Oct 08 2000 - 03:16:22 PDT

1. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way,
if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

2. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

3. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.

4. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is

6. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

7. I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out
of my face.

8. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government

9. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

10. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

11. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need
the trip.

12. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

13. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

14. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

15. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

16. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

17. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

18. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.

19. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

20. Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

21. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

22. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

23. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a
garage makes you a mechanic.

24. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.

25. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

26. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

27. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real

28. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm
in the bathroom.

29. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never
cease to be amused.