Note: To protect the privacy of our members, e-mail addresses have been removed from the archived messages. As a result, some links may be broken.

Lesson Plans


Fw: Latest Darwin Awards (fwd)

[ Thread ][ Subject ][ Author ][ Date ]
Lauretta A. Hendricks-Backus (lhb.edu)
Mon, 25 May 1998 17:02:25 -0500


Just in case you havn't seen these-retta

>>> The Darwin Award is made each year to the person who has managed to
>>> kill themselves (and therefore prevent the survival of their genes
>>> hence Darwin!) in the most bizarre way imaginable.
>>>
>>> Previous winners have included the man killed when the vending machine
>>> he was trying to extract a can of Coke from, fell on him, and last
>>> years aviator who strapped a JATO module (rocket) to his car and lit
>>> the blue touchpaper.
>>>
>>> This year's runner-ups:
>>>
>>> #1 - [AP, Mammoth Lakes, CA] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he
>>> hit a lift tower at the Mammoth mountain ski area while riding down
>>> the slope on a foam pad, authorities said. Matthew David Hubal, 22,
>>> was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident
>>> occurred about 3 a.m. The Mono County Sheriff's Department said Hubal
>>> and his friends had apparently hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley
>>> and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift towers.
>>> Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department said
>>> the pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The
>>> group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal
>>> crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated that the tower
>>> he hit was the one with its pad removed.
>>>
>>> #2 - [AP,St. Louis, MO] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
>>> disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call
>>> police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked
>>> out without paying for it. Police later found him unconscious in
>>> front of the store: paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his
>>> throat, Where it had choked him to death.
>>>
>>> #3 - [UPI, Spain] A poacher Marino Malerba, shot a stag standing
>>> above him on an overhanging rock-and was killed instantly when it fell
>>> on him.
>>>
>>> #4 - [Associated Press,Kincaid, W. VA] A man at a party popped a
>>> blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that
>>> blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state police said Wednesday.
>>> Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during
>>> a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it
>>> in an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it,"
>>> >
>>> Payne said. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said, "I'll show you how
>>> to set it off." "He put it in his mouth and bit down. It blew all
>>> his teeth off, his tongue and his lips," Payne said. Stromyer was
>>> listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries,
>>> according to a spokesman at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just
>>> can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
>>> >>> >
>>> #5 - [UPI,Portland, OR] Doctors at Portland's University Hospital
>>> said Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow
>>> is lucky to be alive, and will be released soon from the hospital.
>>> Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation
>>> into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass,Ore.
>>> A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered
>>> Roberts' right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to
>>> the left, a major blood vessel would have cut and Roberts would have
>>> died instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University
>>> Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of
>>> brain, with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow
>>> managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had
>>> Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have
>>> killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards he and his friends had
>>> been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about
>>> this." No charges have been filed but the Josephine County district
>>> attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
>>> >>> >
>>> #6 - [AP, Arkansas] A woman named Linda went to Arkansas last week to
>>> visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next
>>> to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind
>>> her head, apparently sleeping. When Linda came out a while later, she
>>> again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but with her eyes
>>> open. The woman looked very strange, so Linda tapped on the window
>>> and said "Are you okay?" The woman answered "I've been shot in the
>>> head, and I am holding my brains in." Linda didn't know what to do;
>>> so she ran into the store where store officials called the paramedics.
>>> They had to break into the car because the door was locked. When they
>>> got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her
>>> head and in her hands. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded,
>>> apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that
>>> of a gunshot, and hit her in the head. When she reached back to find
>>> what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She
>>> passed out from fright at first, then attempted to hold her brains in!
>>> >>> >
>>> #7 - From a radio program, a true report of a happening in Michigan,
>>> USA. A guy buys brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30,000 and has
>>> $400+ monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting and of course
>>> all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with
>>> the guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive
>>> out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind
>>> of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to
>>> float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something
>>> a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going to take a
>>> little more effort than an ice hole drill. Out of the back of the new
>>> Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.
>>>
>>>
>>> Now these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that if
>>> they place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from
>>> where they are standing (and the new Grand Cherokee), they don't want
>>> to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the burning
>>> fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. So, they
>>> decide to light this 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite. Remember,
>>> a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer,the
>>> guns and the dog? Yes, the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for
>>> retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the
>>> dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures
>>> the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time
>>> it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave arms and wonder what
>>> to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs
>>> the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with 8 duck
>>> shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a
>>> moment, slightly confused but continues on. Another shot and this time
>>> the dog, still standing, becomes really confused & of course scared,
>>> thinking these two Nobel Prize winners have gone insane. He takes off
>>> to find cover, (with the now really short fuse burning on the stick of
>>> dynamite).... under the brand new Cherokee.
>>>
>>> BOOM ! Dog and Cherokee are blown to bits and sink to the bottom of
>>> the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two candidates for
>>> Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing there with this "I can't
>>> believe this happened" look on their faces. The insurance company
>>> says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is
>>> not covered. He had yet to make the first of those $400+ a month
>>> payments.
>>>
>>> AND THE WINNER
>>>
>>> John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of
>>> Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the
>>> Amphitheater at George, Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers
>>> among them) they sat in the parking lot, and after finishing the
>>> beer, decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot
>>> high fence and sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their
>>> pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for John--100 pounds
>>> heavier than Al to hop over, and then assist his friend over the
>>> fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on the other
>>> side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself
>>> crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large
>>> branch which snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree, with
>>> one arm broken, John looked down and saw a group of bushes below him.
>>> Figuring the bushes would break his fall, John removed his pocketknife
>>> and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
>>>
>>> When finally free, John crashed below into Holly bushes. The sharp
>>> leaves scratched his entire body and now being without his shorts, he
>>> was the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his rectal
>>> cavity. To make matters worse, his pocketknife proceeded to fall with
>>> him and landed three inches into his left thigh. Seeing his friend in
>>> considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw him a rope and pull
>>> him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds less, he decided
>>> the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pickup
>>> truck. This is when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken
>>> state, Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the gas, and
>>> crashed through the fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was
>>> thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and also
>>> died at the scene. Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its
>>> driver thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and upon moving the truck, a
>>> half naked man, with numerous scratches, a holly stick up his rectum,
>>> a knife in his thigh, and a pair of shorts dangling from the tree
>>> branches 25 feet in the air.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>--------- End forwarded message ----------
>>
>>_____________________________________________________________________
>>You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
>>Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
>>Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]
>>
>>
>
>
>


  • Maybe reply: Maggie White: "Re: Fw: Latest Darwin Awards (fwd)"