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Lesson Plans

SCarl49932 <SCarl49932>: another southern thing

[ Thread ][ Subject ][ Author ][ Date ]
bob carl (bcarl28)
Wed, 6 May 1998 19:43:24 -0400

--------- Begin forwarded message ----------
From: SCarl49932 <SCarl49932>
To: ganderson, Jakensis,
bcarl28,MMMARKE, Photoisme,,EllisPhoto, JUDIERICKSON,
MAGNAW,MKemper608, KnKd,
RSTANLEY, tragedy.EDU,MrChadwik,
erikat, CLdyHawk,WITHAMT,
Subject: another southern thing
Date: Wed, 6 May 1998 06:25:17 EDT
Message-ID: <a76ada32.35503a8e>

>>>>Tips for Northerners moving South
>>>>1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
>>>>to use it.
>>>>2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as
>>>>"Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
>>>>3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can.
>>>>Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
>>>>4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the
>>>>cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain
>>>>will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of
>>>>their way. This is what they live for.
>>>>5. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let
>>>>alone eating.
>>>>6. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All
>>>>y'all's" is plural possessive.
>>>>7. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern
>>>>accent,unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
>>>>8. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?".
>>>>9. People walk slower here.
>>>>10. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
>>>>understand you either.
>>>>11. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
>>>>Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol'
>>>>truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new
>>>>southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred
>>>>percent are in denial about it.
>>>>12. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer
>>>>13. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
>>>>14. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the
>>>>last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
>>>>15. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay
>>>>out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
>>>>16. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those
>>>>who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a
>>>>southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the
>>>>car was purchased.
>>>>17. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their
>>>>car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
>>>>18. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait
>>>>until November.
>>>>19. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
>>>>most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at
>>>>the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything
>>>>from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
>>>>20. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone,
>>>>directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to
>>>>drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the
>>>>proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
>>>>21. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already
>>>>know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off
>>>>trying to find it yourself.

--------- End forwarded message ----------

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