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barbies for the not so faint of heart...


Date: Sun May 12 2002 - 12:37:28 PDT

Someone sent this to me...thought after the "Art Teacher Barbie"
strand....this would be a kick!

Finally a Barbie I can relate to!

At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to
coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of
blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames
too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha
Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton
and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of
perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone
levels shift, see her whiskers grow.
Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy
triceps with these new,
roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy
front, too-muumuus with
tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in
stiletto heels have definitely
taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet.
Soothe her sores with the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft
terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky
crow's-feet and lip lines
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from
Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a
cheerleader is really paying
off as Barbie dusts off her old high school
megaphone to root for Babs and
Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or
white and cooler filled with
doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch
Ken. Barbie needs a change,
and Alonzo(her personal trainer) is just what
the doctor ordered, along with
Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and
heading for the Napa
Valley to open a B&B. includes a real tape of
"Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes
with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have
finally caught up with the
ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps
instead of dance steps. Clean
and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.
Come with a little copy of
The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.