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Lesson Plans


FW: Corporate Lingo joke

[ Thread ][ Subject ][ Author ][ Date ]
robert L. Snyder (rsnyder)
Tue, 17 Mar 1998 17:19:50 -0500 (EST)

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Subject: FW: Corporate Lingo

This is a good one! Aren't we educators glad we aren't working in the
corporate world now!

Corporate Lingo

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than
our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that
you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule
on your first day.

MUST BE FLEXIBLE: On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend
over and grab your ankles.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each
weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must be childless (and remain
that way).

APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the
position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We've filled the job; our call for
resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll
need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in
perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the
responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen,
figure out what they want and do.

And on the applicant side:

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've
used Microsoft Office.

I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office
supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don't ask me
about all the McJobs I've had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.

I'M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to
co-workers.

I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.

I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my desk.

I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better
job, I'm outta here.

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