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Having a bad day? a bit of humor


From: Aaron and Jennifer (THEGREEN99_at_TeacherArtExchange)
Date: Wed Mar 07 2001 - 14:29:47 PST


Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of
forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male
was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,
flippers, and face mask. A postmortem revealed that the person died not from
burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a
positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a
fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed
that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast
some 20 miles from the forest. The firefighters, seeking to control the fire
as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip
buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire
and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper
in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket
300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire.
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998.
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the
kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it
accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars,
was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle
dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran
into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and
bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door.
The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on
a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the
street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived
and transported the man to the hospital, the wife up righted the motorcycle
and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife
got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the
toilet. The man was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home,
he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.
He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and
smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his
legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen,
heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the
bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been
blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs,
and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The
very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street.
The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him
to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street
accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the
husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started
laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the
husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm.

Having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse.....
1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate
them both.
2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a
in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of
needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.
3. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric
kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him
with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
4. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending
pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two
thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling
the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally.......
5. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was
the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.