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Lesson Plans


educational jokes

[ Thread ][ Subject ][ Author ][ Date ]
Linda Kelty (lckelty)
Fri, 16 Jul 1999 09:26:08 -0400


If you don't enjoy jokes, just delete this. I happen to like a good laugh
and sharing them with others. Have a great day!! Linda

Are you a true elementary school teacher?
Let's find out:

1. Do you ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and
mittens as they leave your home?

2. Do you move your dinner partner's glass away from the edge of the
table?

3. Do you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a
theater with a group of friends?

4. Do you hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes?

5. Do you refer to happy hour as "snack time"?

6. Do you declare "no cuts" when a shopper squeezes ahead of you in
a checkout line?

7. Do you say "I like the way you did that" to the mechanic who
repairs your car nice?

8. Do you ask "Are you sure you did your best?" to the mechanic who
fails to repair your car to your satisfaction?

9. Do you sing the "Alphabet Song" to yourself as you look up a
number in the phone book?

10. Do you say everything twice? I mean, do you repeat everything?

11. Do you fold your spouse's fingers over the coins as you hand
him/her the money at a tollbooth?

12. Do you ask a quiet person at a party if he has something to
share with the group?
~~~

* If you answered yes to 4 or more, it's in your soul--you are hooked
on teaching. And if you're not a teacher, you missed your calling.

* If you answered yes to 8 or more, well, maybe it's *too much* in
your soul--you should probably begin thinking about retirement.

* If you answered yes to all 12, forget it--you'll *always* be a
teacher, retired or not!

_______________________________________________

School Daze

Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America.

Little Johnny: Here it is!

Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

Class: Little Johnny!

----

Teacher: Are you chewing gum?

Little Johnny: No, I'm Little Johnny.

----

Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?

Little Johnny: I get up early.

----

Teacher; Didn't you promise to behave?

Little Johnny: Yes, sir.

Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?

Little Johnny: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn't
have to keep yours.

----

Little Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't
do?

Teacher: Of course not.

Little Johnny: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

----

Teacher: Why are you late?

Little Johnny: Because of the sign.

Teacher: What sign?

Little Johnny: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow. "That's
what I did.
----

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.

Little Johnny: I hope you didn't either.

----

Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.

Father: What's that?

Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

----

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".

Little Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say "I am."

Little Johnny: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO STRESSED WHEN...

You can achieve a "runners high" by sitting up.

The sun is too loud.

You are missing several days from this week.

Trees begin to chase you.

You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

You wonder if brewing is *really* a necessary step for the
consumption of coffee.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that
you've said it before.

You can hear mimes.

Things become "very clear." Everything is "very clear, indeed."

You ask the drive-through attendant if you can get your order to go.

Your heart beats in 7/8 time.

You and reality file for divorce.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that
you've said it before.

It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

You can travel without moving.

Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get
into a nasty tiff over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for
the next day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Heads or Tails?

The ditzy girl reported for her University final examination which
consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the
examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and
then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and
starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads
and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the
rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the
coin, swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking
my answers."

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