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Lesson Plans


Fwd: Not your normal virus.

[ Thread ][ Subject ][ Author ][ Date ]
Lincoln Arts (lincarts)
Tue, 1 Dec 1998 11:50:28 -0800


I know, I know. But this one is different - and funny. I don't know about
the rest of you, but with the stresses of the season - I needed a good laugh.

Happy Holidays!
Jeanne

>> VIRUS ALERT
>>
>> If you receive an e-mail entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do
>> not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
>>
>> It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also
>> delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
>>
>> It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
>>
>> It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR
>> and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
>>
>> It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice
>> cream melts and your milk curdles.
>>
>> It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's
>> number.
>>
>> This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
>>
>> It will drink all your beer.
>>
>> It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
>> company.
>>
>> Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be
>> honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
>>
>> It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all
>> while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing
>> their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
>>
>> It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is
>> only fun until someone loses an eye.
>>
>> It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
>>
>> It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to
>> passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly
>> change the interpretations of key sentences.
>>
>> If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will
>> leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously
>> close to a full bathtub.
>>
>> It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
>> pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
>>
>> It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
>>
>> It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell
>> like dill pickles.
>>
>> It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It
>> is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
>>
>> These are just a few signs of infection.
>> PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!
>
>
>
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jeanne-Marie Fritts
Executive Director
www.lincolnarts.org